Mess Is Mine. Vance Joy

im afraid im not strong enough to fight off my demons. they haunt me every night. sometimes i win; sometimes i collapse from the strain.

im afraid the Y chose the wrong freshman.

im afraid of the day when my siblings will do better than their older sister.

im afraid of finding out who my close bloggers are, because i dont want to fall back onto my preconceptions of them. before i got to know them.

im afraid of being so judgemental of others that i dont let them in between my brick and straw walls. i hate to say it but i am judgemental. i judge so easily. and i hate that about myself.

im afraid of not being able to stand by myself.

im afraid of missing the signs to find the one. im afraid of making mistakes that can grab me by the wrist and pull me away from meeting him. i hope he's afraid of meeting me too.

im afraid of firsts. first kisses. first loves. first bites. the first to say something. the first step.

im afraid of sharing my playlists with others. because half of it is basically one direction.
(it took me convincing myself to even post this line)

im afraid of you. of what youre going to say to me. what you think of me. what youre preconceptions of me are. but why would you be one of my greatest fears? pant size wasnt on my mind until someone told me i was fat in the second grade.

im afraid of crying in front of you. of telling you the reason behind the tears. 

im afraid of telling others of my fears. vulnerability isnt my forte. id rather make people laugh at my false insecurities than tell them about the real ones.

its the truth. we'd rather fake the upper hand while being dealt the lower one. 
but here are the crappy cards.
read em and weep.