1/1/16

i hate feeling like this. this gnawing feeling
it always gets me and i dont know why i let it
but i do.

i decided to walk. somewhere, anywhere instead of just staying here.
the cold numbed my arms and it worked.
but just for a bit. because it always comes back.
it always comes back and i dont know why i let it
but i do.

i hate feeling alone.

being outside worked. but only for a bit because it always comes back, this feeling.
you'd think that this feeling of being by yourself would lessen
but the cold only numbs for a bit. the feeling doesnt feel anymore
it always comes back and i hate it.

to my older brother

i knew you wanted me to be at that fireside yesterday, because i felt you there.
youve heard this from me too many times but i dont think ill ever stop saying im sorry
i dont know how to forgive myself for a mistake thats hasnt been fixed for years
but somehow you do
that is miraculous to me

the speaker said "the atonement works in relationships"
and ive never felt more connected to you than right then
becuase you performed this gift, those actions have helped our relationship stay strong
ive been the idiot who keeps breaking up with you and then i come crying back a week later, saying im sorry and that ill never do it again

how do you have that kind of trust?
im amazed at the trust you have for people, and for me

you have the patience i dont have

flicker. niall horan

im so giddy its unreal
its been three years since i last saw you but today is the day that number turns zero
its like im on the edge of something amazing
my stomach wants to throw up but also eat everything in sight
my hands never sweat but they are today
i want time to speed up but also slow wayyy down
i dont want today to end

i told myself i wouldn't cry but i did
you sound amazingly happy and im so glad you are
the story behind the song made my heart flutter
my sister and i held each other the entire time
she was swooning as much as i was
i knew she would
i just wanted you to talk to me the entire time
three years may have kept us apart, but im so glad our paths crossed again
unil i see you again mi amor <3